Monday, November 22, 2010

A Scientific Study: A Look Into the Evolution of a Michigan Fan

Today we will take a look at a Michigan Fan, who has evolved faster than Caterpie (Gotta Catch em all!) in the last decade.  Lets look at the stages, shall we?

The Unbearable A-Hole:  (Michiganus Buttholeus): This breed of Michigan fan won't ever die out, but was more relevant around 1995-2007.  They talked mostly about stuff that happened before they were born, and put a lot of faith in running game and defense, which has gone the way of the Dodo.  A half a national title increased their numbers, with the hiring of a spread coach hurting their population.

The Trying To Be Educated Fan: (Michiganus Dontknownothingus)  Their calls include "Denard should win the Heisman, but he is a sophomore and won't" or "the Spread is the future of football"  or "the defense needs more players."  They try to sound smart and objective, but in the end rely on dumb websites and stupid sports writers to formulate seemingly unorthodox opinions which in fact, sound good, but are dumb.

The Infamous Wal-Mart Wolverine:  (Michiganus Bandwagonus Walmartus)  This is the most prevalent breed, these Wolverines never went to the University, or any university for that matter.  This species is highly concentrated in Grand Rapids, Detroit, Saginaw, and most rural communities with their watering hole, Wal-Mart.  They talk a big game, with little or no stats to back them up besides National Titles won before the forward pass.  They differ from the Spartans fans who do not attend MSU by obviously nobody would enjoy Spartan football for the past decade.  They do not root for a university because it is easy, or fun, but for the love of the game.  The Wal-Mart Wolverine are rumored to be able to survive a Nuclear War, making life miserable for the cockroaches.

The Respectable Level Headed Smart Wolverine: (Michiganus Unicornus)  They are rumored to exist, but not have been seen.  May have been around at some point, but were cannibalized by other fans.

The New Breed Wolverine (Michiganus Eightandfourisgoodenoughus) These Wolverines exploded in population since the hiring of Rodriguez.  After being told putting in a system will take time but pay off, they devolved due to lack of success.  Things that would have caused illness in 1998 were now accepted into everyday life.  High scoring games, little or no defense, a crappy running game, no vertical passing, scandals for the head coach, no bowl games were all forbidden until sacrifices were made to try and improve for the future.  Winning 7 or 8 games used to be not good enough, and led to the firing of Lloyd Carr, is now reason for excitement.  Not making a bowl or beating a team that is any good is now an acceptable way of life.  Michigan State has become a large rival, and beating OSU isn't high on their priorities.  Now, going to the Pizza Pizza! Bowl is reason for excitement.  They could cross breed with Wal-Mart Wolverines to create the worse fans in the world.

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