Friday, June 12, 2009

Weston Corbitt's Pregame Speech to the Detroit Red Wings, Gam 7 Stanley Cup Finals

Goalies, Defenseman and Forwards of the Detroit Red Wings!

You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have
striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The
hopes and prayers of real hockey loving people everywhere march with you.
In company with our brave allies and brothers-in-arms on
other Organizations, you will bring about the destruction of the Pittsburgh war
machine, the elimination of Penguin tyranny over the oppressed peoples of
Pennsylvania, and security for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well
equipped and battle hardened. He will fight savagely.

But this is the year 2009! Much has happened since the Penguins triumphs of
1991-92. The National Hockey League have inflicted upon the Penguins great defeats,
in open ice, man-to-man matchups. Our umbrella powerplay offensive has seriously reduced their
strength on the penalty kill and their capacity to wage war on the ice. The Joe Louis Arena have given us an overwhelming superiority in talent and players, and placed at our disposal great reserves of ultra talented Euro players.
The tide has turned! The greatest fans in the world are cheering together to
I have full confidence in your courage and devotion to duty and skill in the Stanley Cup Finals. We will accept nothing less than another Stanley Cup!

Good luck! And let us beseech the blessing of Almighty Gordie Howe upon this great
and noble undertaking.


  1. Where did Weston Corbitt go? If he stayed with the sports blogosphere for the last month, the Wings would have won.

  2. Jeez Tek did you drink some Haterade before writing this? I was too involved with hockey to even justify writing anything on my beloved blog.